Enneagram Type Nine (the Peacemaker)
Enneagram Type Nine (the Peacemaker)
What Each Type Brings to the Relationship
As with all double-type relationships, two Enneagram Nines generally bring the same qualities to each other. Therein lies both a main source of the attraction as well as one of the main pitfalls. Thus, the Level of health of each person is especially important for these types of relationships as are their dominant instincts. One of the most common same-type pairs, double Nine couples are invariably quiet, gentle, supportive of each other and of those around them, comfortable to be around and hospitable to others. They are easy-going and do not let the minor irritations of life or of the relationship get to them easily. They tend to look positively on their life circumstances, whatever they are, making the most of whatever they have. They are patient with each other and give the other partner the benefit of the doubt, quick to forgive if there have been spats or conflicts, generous and steady in their emotions and habits. They give each other lots of space, undemanding, non-judgmental attention, and a good deal of affection. Both feel that the other is a kindred spirit who can be curious and adventuresome, although not too much so.
Little deeply rocks, or even threatens, the world of a double Nine couple. They are typically people who enjoy regularity and predictability, the pleasure of the familiar and the tried and true. For example, most double Nine couples tend to go to the same restaurant or to the same vacation spot over and over again once they have found something they like. While being friendly and approachable, they are also surprisingly domestic and protective of their family and their private world. This pair wants to create and maintain a safe haven from life’s ups and downs. Importantly, both feel unpressured by their relationship. The lack of pressure and stress in their ordinary interactions is one of the main attractions to this relationship. Neither one wants to feel put upon—they both want to take life at their own pace. Mellowness (with a certain feistiness and zippiness, depending on the instinctual pattern) is the hallmark.
Potential Trouble Spots or Issues
The very steadiness and regularity of a double Nine couple is also part of what could be their Achilles’ heel: the fear of rocking the boat or of allowing anything to intrude on the peace and harmony of their world. They can seem to be friendly but get stuck in doldrums, gradually dropping social connections. The outside world, other people, even family members, can be subtly resisted or neglected in various ways if the Nine couple feels sufficiently threatened in some way. Double Nine couples can be so bound to their desire for harmony that they also find it difficult to raise important issues to the other. They might well love each other, but very little real communication begins to take place. Most of it is non-verbal or worse, exists only in their imaginations.
In fact, as Nines deteriorate, they idealize the other but do not really relate to the other as he or she is. Most of the relationship occurs in their imagination of the other rather than from being in contact with the real person. Much is not expressed, and they can get into deadening routines that hard difficult to break. They tend to avoid conflict by not bringing up threatening topics, leading to a build up of old tensions and resentments. Passive-aggressive behavior, worrying, blaming, and bubbling anxieties can start to undermine the relationship if they continue to avoid speaking about how they really feel. Outwardly, they may seem like a great, natural match, giving each other lots of space and seeming to have an unusual ability to get along with each other. But they can actually be suppressive of each other in subtle ways, leading to a gradual deadening of vitality, a lack of ambition, and a masked depression with nothing in particular standing out as an obvious cause. Often double Nine couples find a way to coexist in a mutual non-aggression pact that allows them to leave each other alone. However, the joy and excitement will have long evaporated from the relationship as the couple settles into more and more deeply entrenched routines and avoidances.