Enneagram Type Six (the Loyalist)
Enneagram Type Nine (the Peacemaker)
What Each Type Brings to the Relationship
This is one of the most stable and most common relationships. Although both types are very different, they want rather similar things—security and predictability (Sixes) and stability and autonomy (Nines). They both want their lives to be built on solid, dependable values and for good, honest work to be rewarded. Both types tend to personify “middle of the road” values in their time and culture, to be dutiful, respectful of authority, and to abide by the rule of law. On the other hand, there is a rebellious streak in Sixes and a counterculture streak in Nines that allows some of these couples to live on the fringes of society, to be unusual in their lifestyle and beliefs, to be free thinkers and unconcerned about conventional values and mores.
More for Sixes and Nines than for most couples, much depends on their belief systems and the quality of their childhood experiences—and they are looking for a partner who will mirror this, including their own beliefs and reactions. To this mix, there are also complementary differences: Sixes bring a more active mind, questioning and alert to exceptions, to problems, and to safety issues. They can be more skeptical of others and find it more difficult to be trusting: others need to prove themselves first. Nines, on the other hand, are usually trusting and unquestioning, sunny and easy to get along with. They are optimistic and steady, offering support and non-threatening acceptance. If Sixes tend to see the exception and to focus on complications, Nines tend to see the general and to focus on what will work without problems. This couple gets along well, greasing each other’s wheels and adding just enough gas to the mix to keep them moving forward together. Change, when it comes, is slow and methodical. Both tend to see themselves as simple, regular people and do not feel special or exempt in any way. Both bolster the other’s confidence through their solidarity with each other. They are generous with each other and do not crowd the other or make special demands. When they find a relationship such as this, it usually feels like they have found what their heart has been seeking and their dream has come true.
Potential Trouble Spots or Issues
Since Sixes and Nines find it very difficult to say what is actually on their minds (and what they really want for themselves), there is a great tendency in this relationship to clam up, to be silently stubborn and defensive, and to make the other person guess what is going on. If there is little motive to do so, the two parties will fall into a stalemate that keeps the other at arm’s distance, yet close enough so that the other will not drift away. They may also begin to have health problems or other nonspecific complaints about themselves that seeks to bind the couple in cords of concern and guilt. Psychological or physical problems help to ensure that the other person will continue to be there.
Moreover, while these two types fulfill social roles very well, they both tend to disappear in their roles too completely for their own good. Sixes are frequently burdened by guilt feelings and doggedly do whatever they think they must do to keep their job or their security in place. They try to make sure that they have covered the bases so that no one will be angry at them for failing in their responsibility. Nines also fulfill roles, but these usually have to do with mediating between people to keep them together in some way. They accommodate themselves and go along with what others need even as their own stress grows.
Another potential problem is that both types love the familiar and dislike change. The feeling is that familiarity equals security, which is reinforced by the conviction that they must not rock the boat. Both types will tend to put off confrontations until they are pushed to the limit, although Sixes have a shorter fuse concerning their anger. They will either give up on the Nine, or there will be an explosion in which a backlog of pent up hostilities will be said, often to the permanent damage of the relationship.