Enneagram Type Four (the Individualist)
Enneagram Type Seven (the Enthusiast)
What Each Type Brings to the Relationship
Enneagram Fours and Sevens tend to be intrigued by each other since they are a generally a case of opposites attracting. Fours tend to be quiet, introverted, self-doubting, emotional, and pessimistic, while Sevens tend to be outgoing, extroverted, self-confident, mental, and optimistic. Sevens help Fours overcome shyness and a possible reluctance to try new experiences. Fours help Sevens stay focused on what they really want—and to respect and allow their feelings. Fours and Sevens bring to their relationship the charge and mystery of their differences—that they think so differently, react so differently, and find pleasure in such different ways. They can therefore become intrigued by the other, finding him or her endlessly fascinating, always ready with something new and unexpected.
Both Fours and Sevens bring a capacity for joy and ecstasy, spontaneity, emotion, and for passion. Both Fours and Sevens love lively conversation and they can pass hours sharing with each other detailed accounts of the events of the day as well as their thoughts and reactions. Both Fours and Sevens love the finer things of life, travel, good food, wine, clothes, and furnishings, and, for better or worse, both can tend to overspend their incomes on what they consider life’s necessities—caviar, champagne, and another trip to Europe. They both have a love of the new and a sense of adventure and romance that can keep their relationship fresh and lively for themselves and be a source of joy and inspiration for others. Both types can be funny, irreverent, and entertaining. There is also an earthiness and bawdiness to both, as well as, paradoxically, a sophistication and elitism. Being opposites, Fours and Sevens can balance each other: Fours bringing a sense of depth and interiority, while Sevens contribute a sense of fun and emotional resilience.
Potential Trouble Spots or Issues
Because they are so different in many ways, Fours and Sevens must have several strong points of attraction or else they will likely miss connecting with each other. Unless some strong passion (romantic, mental, or spiritual) keeps them together, they are likely to fly apart if there are any deep disagreements or conflicts early in the relationship. Both types tend to be impulsive and to be easily frustrated with others when they are disappointed or if their life circumstances do not go as they expect. Both have high expectations for the kind of attention and quality of interactions they want from others, and if they are not forthcoming, both tend to not give others too many second chances to prove themselves. While Fours may admire and even secretly envy the Seven’s resilience and high energy, they may also find themselves worn down by their fast-paced lives and what feels to Fours like the Seven’s relentless plans and activities. Fours can see Sevens as too noisy, superficial, and insensitive-and occasionally coarse and insulting without realizing it.
On the other hand, Sevens may admire and try to imitate the Four’s artistic flair, creativity, and appreciation of subtlety and beauty. But Sevens can also see Fours as hypersensitive, ineffectual, impractical, moody, and self-absorbed. In addition, if the relationship worsens, Fours usually become more withholding and hostile, sniping at the other from a safe distance. Sevens become more impatient, abrasive, and can be verbally abusive. Fours may want to talk about everything that has gone wrong with the relationship in great detail with the Seven. By contrast, Sevens typically want to move on to something more promising and upbeat. The result is that underlying problems do not get resolved adequately. Once this relationship curdles, virtually everything each admired and was attracted to in the other becomes irritating and insufferable.