Enneagram Type Two (The Helper)
Enneagram Type Two (The Helper)
What Each Type Brings to the Relationship
As with all double-type relationships, two Enneagram Twos bring many of the same qualities to each other. Therein lies both a main source of the attraction as well as one of the main pitfalls of this pair. Healthy Two couples bring a high level of warmth, affection, and sensitivity to each other. They are genuinely concerned about the welfare of their partner and of the relationship itself, and they are willing and able to put out a considerable amount of energy to make sure that all is well. A double Two pair has a high level of communication and checking in between them: two Twos would have no problem discussing how they feel, inquiring about the other’s health, about how things are going at work, and so forth. They would also be delighted to help support the efforts of their partner in whatever ways they could. Both individually and as a couple, they are thoughtful, observant of people’s needs, generous and respectful of boundaries and the need of others to be independent and to learn things on their own. Healthy Two couples can express enormous affection for others, while at the same time, letting them go appropriately. They also can find a balance between themselves as a couple and each of them as an individual.
Interestingly, since neither is used to being nurtured by someone else, they generally need to learn to allow themselves to be loved and helped by the other. If each of the Twos can take in the support of the other, the relationship can become a source of deep love and abundance from which they are able to more fully move out into the world. They feel secure and are loyal to each other, knowing that their partner is there for them. At their best, this is a loving, warm-hearted couple that uses the security of their relationship to raise a family, adopt children, and make the world a richer, more loving place. They reach out to others and build a family of choice, a home that others truly want to be a part of.
Potential Trouble Spots or Issues
A couple in which both people are so feeling-oriented may make better friends and work associates than they do intimate partners. The reason is that both are concerned with questions of value and self-worth, identity and gaining validation from others. Their particular set of emotional needs can make this pair more prone toward secret jealousy and competition with each other about who is more loved, who is the center of attention, or who is being sought out more frequently for advice or for social events, and so forth. In some double Two couples, whether males or females, they will be aware of how people respond to them physically and sexually. Different forms of charm to outright displays of sexual prowess will be part of the picture, although this will get in the way of a satisfactory exclusive intimate relationship.
Some Twos will attempt to solve this problem by going in the opposite direction by beginning not to care about what they look like. They may not exercise and gain excessive weight, for example, or not dress or groom themselves sufficiently. A double Two may begin to find their emotional consolations elsewhere, seeking intimacy with others or, if that is not possible, with food. If this continues, they may gradually lose all physical interest in each other and the relationship would suffer from loss of contact and physical intimacy. If health issues subsequently become a problem (due to overeating as a compensation for emotional deprivations) the physically healthier Two will inevitably feel held back by the needier partner. Or both Twos could deteriorate into a sickbed centered relationship in which their illnesses and their complaints about them are what hold the couple together. They may both develop boundary problems and get overly enmeshed with each other—or, just as likely, become repulsed by the other’s hovering. The worse this gets, ironically, the more isolated and lonely they become. Depression and blaming the other are often part of the picture.